It's when your almost 3 year old son can snap and throw a tantrum to trump tantrums. When you have to physically drag him across the parking lot or the library while he screams. When you have to physically hold him in the shopping cart and continue shopping while he screams at the top of his lungs and kicks and flails.
When your kids are yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" from the back of the car and you yell, "That's enough! Mommy is no longer available!" and you turn up the radio to drown them out. When your 5 year old is still yelling for your attention and you ask, "Are you bleeding?" "No." "Is something broken?" "No." "Are you hurting?" "No." "Then don't talk to me right now."
Being followed by your oldest who is diligently reminding your she NEEDS to have her crayons with her when its time to leave but is requiring you to unlock the room her art supplies are in. Or who is some how always starving and needs a snack every hour on the hour.
Constantly telling your almost 4 year old to just sit down and put her shoes on but gets easily distracted by something else or someone else (usually her baby brother).
Chasing your 18 month old around the house to put his jacket on or get his shoes on him or change his diaper or just simply get him dressed.
Fighting with your almost 3 year old about what jacket he should wear and choosing not to have that battle with him.
Yelling at your kids who managed to unlock the back door and head outside without telling you their plans and you happen to walk in to the kitchen at the exact right time to catch them in the act. Having to explain to them that they never go outside without asking for permission, first.
Not having the desire or energy to do the dishes, change out the day old laundry in the washer or just pick up around the house. Wanting to just lay down for a while from the exhaustion and overwhelming feeling that lingers around.
Because you are at your wits end and just can't take the noise, the whining, the screaming, disobedience, disrespect and the complaining anymore. Because you feel like such a failure of a mom having to do this, more often than not, and wish with every part of your being you could be a better mom than this and always and continuously show that love and affection you are suppose to show your children. But you can't because you're drained and throwing in the white flag. Feeling like you failed your children because of how they treat you with lack of respect. Because the beast inside is winning.
But then you see your 18 month old sitting on the couch, by himself, playing with a car and smiling when he sees you. You see your girls sitting together, sharing a blanket, watching YouTube videos together. You watch your oldest son build a long train track and see the happiness of accomplishment in his face. They are giving you that space you so desperately needed and you can't help but smile at them and thank the good Lord that He allowed you to have these wonderful beings.
It may not always seem or feel like it's worth it but in more ways than one you know it was and it is. It's what God had planned for you. He made you for this. You may not always be strong enough to face the day and the responsibilities but God has your back. When He gives you more than you can handle, He will be there to catch you when you fall. When we are complaining and constantly grumbling, He's there to listen. Just as we are to our children.
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