Every story has two sides. When Andrea and I started this blog it was suppose to show both of our sides to our life together while raising are close in age children. Up until now, though, I have very few posts and there has been very little overlap between Andrea's posts and mine. This past weekend's events have brought us to a point that we both felt the need to write about it.
First off a warning: More than likely you aren't reading this without at least knowing the basic premise of what happened. If a basic idea is all you want you may be better off reading only Andrea's side of things in her In Sickness and In Health post. I may get a little more detailed about what transpired because that is how my mind works.
Today I went into work for the first time since last Thursday, June 11th, 2015. In my drawer was a page from my page-a-day calendar. It was from May 6th, it had a huge star drawn on it with 01-07-16 written on it. May 6th was the day Andrea had done a pregnancy test over the phone with my while at work. The test came back positive which caused me to hang up the office phone and promptly take a break and call her on my cell phone. Andrea and I had talked about being done with children at #4, Peter. We really had no thoughts of continuing with more children. Well, that is we hadn't mutually had thoughts about it. She admitted to now wanting more, but not until even Peter was in school. Yet here we were finding out another was on the way and not fully knowing how the other was going to take the news. We quickly found that though we both didn't start the day wanting a 5th child that emotion had quickly vanished and we were ecstatic.
We didn't know how we wanted to share the information of this new child because we were tired of what felt like judgement from others even when we tried to explain that God was fully in control not us. So this time we were going to take it slow telling people, because we were just getting use to the idea of having 5 and didn't feel like fielding the typical "you know what causes that don't you?" questions. It had been hard holding in the excitement though and we began telling family. We slowly started telling people trying to tell people in person if we could. With only two people left in our immediate families to tell things started concerning Andrea.
It was my two sisters who hadn't heard the news but we were headed to Omaha, NE, on June 5th for my Grandma's 80th birthday. My sisters would be there and I would be able to tell them the exciting news in person. A week prior to the trip Andrea told me she was spotting blood. This was new news she was once again telling me over the phone while at work. I brushed it off as even she told me in a way that made me feel it wasn't a big deal. She and I even talked about the bleeding she had in previous pregnancies. As the days went on through the week she kept updating me stating the bleeding was a little more than she recalled from the previous pregnancies. As I had never seen comparison's I only could go off what she said and she still didn't seem too worried... or at least I didn't think she did. As the week was winding down for the trip she started expressing some concern so we did research together online to see if it was possible that this was normal. Some research showed it could be normal so we went on with life as usual.
The trip came and now we were in Nebraska and I had just told my sisters, and then very promptly told my extended family that was there as well. On our way to the hotel from dinner that Friday Andrea didn't seem to happy. When pressed as to what was wrong she admitted she was more concerned than originally let on. I told her to call the mid-wives we had decided to use this time for the pregnancy and had an ultrasound scheduled with the following Friday. The mid-wife didn't seem to share a lot of concern on the phone, but said they could get her in promptly when we returned to town. Andrea once again pushed back her emotions and just chalked it up as being over concerned and since we both wanted me there without messing up my schedule at work she just left her original appointment for the Ultra Sound.
Friday June 12th the appointment of the ultrasound arrived. The mid-wife promptly explained that what she saw didn't show a healthy 9-10 week pregnancy. She explained the two options were we only were 5 week pregnant or we possibly had a Blighted Ovum pregnancy miscarriage. A Blighted Ovum, she went on to describe, is when only the sack is produced without a child ever being developed. Having known the exact date of conception we knew this ruled out the option of it being a 5 week pregnancy. So the mid-wife began to explain the details of what to expect the next few days as Andrea's body completed the miscarriage.
That night we had my parents watch our children as we grieved. We didn't grieve the death of our child. We couldn't grieve the death of child because there wasn't one. What we had to do was grieve the death of a dream. The dream of a 5th child, a child that never existed but for a month we were sure it did and Andrea had to endure the pregnancy of. Now this pregnancy that only formed a sack was going to put Andrea's body through even more of a ringer than the full term pregnancies had.
That night quickly went from grieving to managing Andrea's health. With a quick run to the bathroom she explained to me that she had a gush of blood. Since she was to be pregnant there was no need for there to be feminine products in the house, but we did have a couple left from her previous labor that was sent home from the hospital. So now it was my job to head to Walgreen's to supply the house with some. When I got home she already was in some pain, but besides a little spotting similar to what she had previously there was no more bleeding that night. The next morning she told me the bleeding had seized. She even went to work. Everything seemed to have gone back to normal and we were feeling blessed that the miscarriage, as unfortunate as it was, had gone smoothly. Turns out we were getting too comfortable too soon.
Early in the afternoon Andrea called and said she was headed home because the bleeding had started again and was in pain. She got home and rested on the chair as I took care of the family and got dinner for the kids. Andrea finally headed to bed. Around 7:10pm I asked Andrea if she would be up to seeing the children to bed, she said she would but she had just had another gush of blood in the toilet. When I went to check on her she was still sitting on the toilet and I saw she was emotionally not doing well. She explained that she couldn't imagine if she had to flush a child down the toilet and thought she may have to encounter that if the mid-wife was incorrect about the fact there wasn't a baby. After we talked it out I completed putting the children down alone explaining that "mommy was sick and hurting" so the kid's wouldn't be getting good night kisses. I went back to Andrea and entered the restroom where I saw her holding something bloody in her hands. I quickly told her to stop as it would only lead to more of an emotional break down. At this point she explained that she was instructed to inspect what was coming out to confirm that everything was exiting her body safely. Feeling she had it under control I went about other business checking back on her. She was still on the toilet with constant sounds as though she was urinating, but she stated that was just blood flowing. I got her a stool to use along with a bowl in case she threw up at her request along with a cup of water. She stated there wasn't much I could do so I went down stairs to watch television.
Andrea and I kept texting and I would pause my television watching to go up and visually check on her. She had made it back to bed and she kept assuring me that she was fine and not to feel guilty for being down stairs. Finally I went upstairs to grab a snack and I heard her back in the bathroom. Just as I was getting a drink of milk she calmly, but loudly, said my name. As I came around the corner I asked what she needed. She was holding the bathroom door jam with one hand with her other extended out. Without stopping I set the milk on the ground as I headed towards her asking again what she needed. She still didn't respond as I grabbed her hand. Again asking what she wanted she didn't acknowledge me then slowly I felt her started going down. Still holding her hand I wrapped my other arm around her and lead her down to the ground. I was asking if she was ok and about the time she reached the ground her eyes rolled back into her head. I started to lay her head down when she opened her eyes. She looked around and asked what happened. I explained it to her and she started to get up but couldn't so I laid her back down and we talked it out as she laid there. She asked if it was normal. I had recalled that when doing research online another person stated they either had fainted or felt they would faint. Andrea then felt good enough to get up and go to bed. I escorted her and I came down stairs to turn off the TV as I knew I now needed to be by her. I got on the computer to see if fainting was to be expected.
I made my way back to Andrea and she and I couldn't figure out how to proceed. So we decided to get the mid-wife's opinion. I called her around 10pm. She stated we should go to the ER and I could just drive her there. So I called Andrea's mom and asked if she could come over so I could take Andrea to the ER. I began getting a bag ready for the ER and getting stuff together. I had requested Andrea not get up again and even put a towel under her in bed in case she got unther "gush" of blood. I went outside to put the stuff in the van and pull it into the driveway so that her mom would know where to park. When I got back inside Andrea was in the restroom. I told her I wish she had stayed in bed, but she explained she felt more coming and couldn't lay there and let it happen. So I asked that she now not get back up. I went back outside to look at the GPS and figure out which hospital was better to go to. When I got back inside Andrea was sitting on top of the toilet seat. She said she felt faint. I explained again that I wish she would stop getting up since she obviously had to put the toilet seat down and pull up her pants. I also requested that she lean forward in case she fainted again she would slouch forward instead of falling back wards and hit the back of her head. I left again remember to get the front light turned on for her mom. I came back and sat down with Andrea. She leaned her head back on to my shoulder and then I saw the eyes roll again. I started saying her name to no response. I kept saying her name and she said "what?" but without opening her eyes. I asked if she knew what day it was. She replied with a faint "no" I asked how she felt but no response again. Right about this time I heard the front door and her mom came to the restroom. I was no longer alone.
I don't know if it was that I no longer felt I needed to be in charge or if it was the fact that I couldn't get Andrea to respond to me at all, but I lost it. I began to cry uncontrollably as I kept patting Andrea on the face and asking her for a response and not getting one. Andrea's mom was calling 9-1-1. Then her dad, who I didn't know had come, entered the restroom. He started trying to calm me down while asking where the wash clothes were. I couldn't really focus on the question but finally stated he would be better to grab a towel off the ground used to dry the kids earlier from washing hands. He wet it and put it on Andrea. She came back through shortly after. We were able to get her back to responding and holding a conversation. The paramedics came in and started to treat her. At this point she took a hospital ride to Progress West and I was shortly behind in our van.
I got to the hospital with Andrea already being seen by the RN. No information was given to us and we began a long wait. Besides a couple of times with them coming in there wasn't a lot of info for the first hour after 11pm. Then the doctor came in, and still without giving much info began to pull things out of Andrea. Afterwards he explained they were blood clots but still didn't give us much of an indication on what that meant for her and the rest of the evening. At around 1:30-2am we went to get an ultrasound done. They stated the sack was still there so she wasn't complete with the miscarriage. I sat in a chair to the side of the room, with again very little contact with anyone until around 5 am. Around 5am Andrea had to use the restroom. When the nurse helped her in the restroom I heard Andrea state she was having issues reaching the toilet paper. The nurse said she would be right there to help At this point I heard a familiar sound of someone trying to get Andrea's attention with no response, but this time it wasn't me it was the nurse. I jumped up and looked in the restroom where Andrea was slumped forward. The nurse turned to me and said "get help". I ran out of the ER room and told the first person in scrubs I saw "the nurse asked me to grab help quickly. She is passed out." Scrub wearing people filed quickly in including the Dr. They got Andrea responsive again and got her to the bed. At this point I felt this was the best thing, because they had seemed to put Andrea on the lowest priority up until this point. At this point things began to happen.
They called Andrea's OB and the OB stated Andrea would need a D&C. They also told us that she made need a blood transfusion. Another hour later and Andrea was getting ready for the D&C as the blood had just arrived. I was instructed that she would be under general anesthesia and could wait in the waiting room. This is the point where you will see that Andrea is more selfless than selfish. She asked the nurses where I would be able to sleep. She was more worried about me getting sleep at this point. I told her I would figure it out don't worry.
I waited in the waiting room and took a 20 min nap on the couch. A couple minutes later the nurse came out and said everything was smooth and the Dr would be out soon to talk to me. The OB Dr. came out and explained that it was smooth and once again confirmed there never was a baby and also stated there was nothing that caused this nor was there anything we could have done to prevent this from happening.
I visited Andrea and verified with her what I had been told then went to the room she would be admitted to and waited for her to arrive. I was told I could order some breakfast. Andrea was wheeled in about 30 minutes later. She was very much out of it but able to communicate with me. She once again told me she was glad I was eating because she was worried about me. That's right this woman that had lost so much blood she had to have a blood transfusion after having collapsed in my arms twice and here she was telling me that she was worried about me.
She is such a caring woman. I love her and can't wait until she is back on her feet. Now that we are home and until this caring woman can get going again I will do what it takes to make sure she can rest. I also appreciate the help of all our friends and family that have helped support me as I try and take care of Andrea, the children, and the house.
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