May

Her side:

I never really thought much of the month of May. In fact, it was usually a very warm welcome to the year. School usually let out or was close to letting out, birthdays, graduations, Memorial Day, etc. Usually, it was a time to celebrate something. But recently, May has become more of a reminder of sadness than anything else.

In May 2014, we celebrated Andy's grandma's life. It was a bittersweet time as we mourned the death of a loved one and reuniting with those we don't get to see often at all. We also celebrated the beginning of life as one of our niece's was delivered that very same weekend.

In May of 2015, we found out that we were having a surprise baby. I started to sporadically spot around the time we had planned to travel for the holiday weekend to celebrate Andy's other grandma's birthday in Nebraska. Later that week we were to find out I was miscarrying for the first time and went through a very traumatic experience of physical, mental, and emotional loss.

This year, this May of 2017, was the month we were to be expecting the arrival of what was our 6th pregnancy/birth. At this time I should be listening very closely to my body, trying to notice any significant changes; the possibility of labor starting. We should have all of our baby stuff out and ready. Either stuff we still, some how, still have around the house, or stuff we had to buy "new" again. I should be very pregnant and "miserable." We should have a name picked out, a baby carseat installed in the van, and anxiousness of when it would happen.

But we aren't. 

This year, this May of 2017, my little family said goodbye to someone who meant the world to us. Someone who may not have been family by blood but was still a member of our family in every other way. She was the non-grandma grandma to our kids. They called her Mama Lynn. Andy and I witnessed death first hand. (OK, Andy was actually there when she passed but I was there that morning and had my chance to say goodbye.) Tomorrow, May 16, 2017, we say our final goodbye to our precious friend, to our precious Mama Lynn. Our children will be there dressed in her favorite color, holding and cuddling the bears that were gifted to them either in person from Mama Lynn or in memory of Mama Lynn. 

The month of May is slowly starting to turn in to the month of tears, remembrance, and heart ache.